if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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