I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
