i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
