How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
