How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
