i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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