And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
