why didn't you poke me back
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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