would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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