Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
