i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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