dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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