please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
