Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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