Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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