My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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