She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
