I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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