Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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