I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
