Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i dont even know how to be here
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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