I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Screwed.edu
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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