why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
