the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
