This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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