my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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