Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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