i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
