Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize