Where is the hickey?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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