Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
