Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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