You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
