Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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