So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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