maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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