They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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