remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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