I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
