I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
