those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
