We won't sleep together?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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