she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
