I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize