I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
