At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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