can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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