duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
