I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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