So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
