just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
