he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
