Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
