im holly from the hills drunk
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
