youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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