we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize