pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
