I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
