my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
