I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
