Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
