Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
